Nanny Adventures

Healthy Transitions by Marni Kent and Glenda Propst

taken from Careernanny with permission

The transition period for a nanny commences at the very moment she gives her notice. Most nannies try to give a minimum of a 30 day notice as opposed to the traditional 2 week notice because of the nature of our jobs. This gives the parents time to find someone, bring them, and ideally, allow the old nanny to transition with the new nanny

Sometimes when a nanny gives notice, the parents seem angry because the nanny is choosing to leave them.

Often, what appears to be anger is really a feeling of rejection, frustration and despair because most parents rely on their nanny to help them balance the demands of their family life.

It really does not matter how long a nanny has been with a family, or even how long she has been in the nanny profession. Any nanny who gives notice will have deal with the transition time which can be difficult to downright unbearable.

When a nanny has been with a family long term, she might expect the parents reaction to be one of sadness, but many times the parents react by shutting the nanny out.

They might be trying to send the nanny the message, you choose to leave us, so we will act like we don’t need you anyway.

During your employment you might have heard things like: “We could not do it without you” “You are so wonderful!” “We hope you never leave”.

Now that you have given your notice, their words and actions may be saying “We don’t care” when deep down they are saying “What did we do to make you leave us?”

.It’s going to be a long 30 days.

Of course your first instinct is to walk out early, but as a professional you don’t want to do that to the children

To overcome the difficulty of the situation, the nanny needs to reflect back to what is and always will be the most important aspect of any nanny position, the children.

The nanny needs to remember that these last days with the children are important and that as hard as it might be at times, you have to take the high road. Saying goodbye to a family goes hand in hand with enhancing your career advancement opportunities. The end is just as important as the beginning.

You will never regret taking the high road but taking the low road will always come back to haunt you.

Someday you might hear through the nanny grapevine that the family has been through 4 nannies since you left. You might hear that they had to hire an extra nanny to do the work you used to do alone. Someday that family may come back to you and say “We are so sorry for the way it ended, we should have done it differently”

So as you endure those last few days with those children you love so much, make a special effort to talk about your feelings, create some memories, and build your bridge

So Kidlet # 2 and #3 are away with Mom till Tuesday night.   I didn’t really have to work today untill 5:15pm when Kidlet #1 called me to pick him up from the metro.  I pick him up and he is all smiles.  I know that he is getting ready to hit me up for going out to dinner.  Little does he realize I am not cooking tonight or tomorrow :)     I tell him that it is just he and I for dinner. He bats his eyes at me and gives me that smile… I laugh. 

 I say: What do you want? 

He says: Well I was thinking since it is just us for dinner, how about we go to Taco Bell like old times. 

I say: Old Times?

He says:  Yes, like last summer after drivers ed, we would go to Taco Bell.  Again he has the smile and batting eyes again while he is patting my head and touching my shoulder while I am driving trying to get me to cave in.

I say: Laughingly..oh you want to bond over junk food dinner.   Ok but you have to put my laundry in the dryer since your boxers and stuff were not dry and I couldn’t put my sheets in the dryer. 

He says: Ok I will do that.

So off we go to Taco Heck for our nutritious dinner.  We come home he does put the 3 cases of water in the garage and takes the mail upstairs. I still need to check on the laundry. 

Oh we will also be bonding shortly over the Democratic National Committee Convention too!  This is the game plan according to him:  Obama messed up by not choosing Hilary.  So McCain could win.  He will only be able to run for one year because he is already too old and will be like 75.   Therefore in 2012 Hilary will run again and win.    I go on to say Obama couldn’t choose Hilary that is way too much change for people…they would freak.  He says no he should have, he would have had all the votes: african americans, males, females, caucasion, muslims, and christians  etc.   There you have your political forecast for 2008 and 2012 from a 17 yr old. 

Lately my weekends have consisted of sleeping in and attempting to not be productive.  Last Saturday I went over to a friend’s house and invaded it while making some Stampin Up cards and postcards. Have I sent those out yet?  Heck no!  That is on my agenda for this week though.  I am in the process of making a very cute Tiki Hut/Aloha surfboard baby card for my friend who had a little girl almost 2 weeks ago. I am aiming for it to be done by the time she is one!

Next weekend my friend and I are going to the mountains.  I think we are going to Luray Cavarns area.  I would just like to get a hotel room, bring some DVDS and all my stamping stuff and get a head start or finishing start on my holiday cards.  I have been working on a set of them for 2 years now :)  I start then stop.  One day maybe they will be finished.  My friend wants to go hiking too, I guess I can do that as well.   I just want a getaway from work and life in the fast lane of DC!

Back in 1999, my one nanny family offered to pay for one class a semester for me to go to school.  I was so excited.  I choose to take a Business class.  Over the next few years I took several classes.  I was able to transfer a large portion of my classes from my BS degree in Social Work.   This had basically left me the core Business Management classes to take in order to get an AA degree.  So I started pursuing this degree along with a certification in Small Business Management.

The last time I took classes was in Spring 2005.  Over time I had taken Business Law I & II with a great teacher, Dr. Smith.  She was so amazing and realistic as a teacher.    She really encouraged me to go to law school!  Yikes, didn’t she realize I hate reading! I rarely ever read my textbooks.  I just listened and skimmed and did really decent on papers and tests.  My friends disliked me in college because I never stressed over writing papers etc. 

This past Monday I took the plunge and enrolled in two ELI classes.  These are distance learning classes online.   I loved going to class and meeting people, but the two classes I need are offered at 4:30pm and 6:00pm so that didn’t work for my nanny job.   I have enrolled in Bus 120: Business Mathmatics and AST 236: Specialized Software Applications  aka Office 2007!   I ordered both of my books on Monday: Used for $145 bucks online.  I got them today in the mail.  I was kinda of excited to get them already. 

With these classes I will be using Blackboard.  I have never used blackboard!  So right now as I am typing this post, I am listening to a tutoring session for new students to Blackboard.  It is oh so thrilling!  :) 

I told Kidlet #1 and Kidlet #3 that we could all three sit down at the big dining room table and do homework!  They laughed at me.

So here is hoping that my first day of class on Monday goes smoothly!

Before that though I need to back up my hard drive and put Office 2007 on my computer

Recently there have been a lot of nannies in my online groups and locally that have been leaving their nanny jobs.  Some of these nannies have been with their families for 15 years, 8 years and just 2 years.  Each nanny has wondered how to leave their family.  Being a nanny is not an easy job. You get emotionally invested in your job.  You are with the children for up to 12 hours a day.  You are apart of the daily ins and outs of a child’s life. Sometimes from the minute they wake up to the time they are getting their pajamas on at night.  The bond is strong between a nanny and a child(ren).    The following article was written by a career nanny that I know, Glenda Propst.  They were orginially for the NAN conference in 1999. I remember being at that conference in Raleigh.  So many nannies were crying and reflecting over their positions they left or were going to leave shortly.  It was a very powerful workshop.  I hope by sharing this that you may pass this along to other nannies and families who might be parting ways.

taken from Careernanny with permission

Leaving a family: by Glenda Propst

These tips on how to survive leaving a family were part of the “Gentle Transitions” workshop at the 1999 NAN Conference .Thanks to all of the great survivors out there who wrote to me and shared their tips on how they got through it.
I hope this information is helpful to all nannies.

v     Maintain Contact.

v     If at all possible, take some time for yourself to re-energize and clear your head. Try to avoid leaving a job on Friday and starting a new one on Monday. Even if you can only manage 2 or 3 days, take a break.

v     Allow yourself to grieve. You have loved and cared for these children. You have a right to be sad, you have a right to feel a great loss and you need to grieve.

If you are moving away, you can send cards, or letters, or email. Many nannies say that this is what helped them the most.

v
Save some money out of your paycheck every week so that you don’t end up leaving a job with no prospects in sight and no money in the bank.

v     Take lots of pictures so that you will always be able to go back and look at them.

v     Make sure the children understand that it is not their fault that this is happening.

v     It is not their parents fault either, it is just something that happened.

v     Make sure that they understand that you will still love them and that they will be in your heart and you will be in theirs always.

v     Have your picture taken together so they will have a visual memory of you with them.

v     Keep one for yourself.

v     Talk about the fun times you have had with them.

v     Try to focus on the positive even the last few days.

v     Make a memory book with them or for them (Make one for yourself too)

v     Have a special song that they can sing when they miss you, and tell them when they sing it, know that you will be thinking of them too. (You could also do this with a book)

v     Keep in touch with them. In the beginning this is crucial for all of you. As time goes by, it will get easier.

v     Help them set up email accounts.

v     Remember that the love you gave to these children is something no one else could have ever given them, and no one else can take away.

v     Remember that a good nanny always works herself out of a job.

v     Remember that these are not your children, and eventually you will have to leave.

v     Teach them that you have come to do a job, and your job is to love them and care for them and teach them to be independent.

v     Help them to understand that you will not be there forever but you will always be in their lives and you will always love them.

v     Remember that time is a great healer.

v     Remember that as nannies our job is to help give them roots, and those roots will always be there.

v     Remember that you are a better person for loving them, as hard as it is to let them go.

v     Keep your correspondence and actions with your employers as professional as possible up to the last day of employment. It is tempting to reciprocate “ugliness” or “rudeness” with the same behavior, but do not allow yourself to do that.

v     Maintain your professionalism.

v     Give your employers as much notice as possible in order to help them find another nanny.

v     You could also provide them with lists from local sources and names of several people that have expressed an interest in the position.

v     If you will be in the same area, make friends with the new nanny. If you like and respect the person who comes after you, it will help you to know that those children are in good loving hands.

v     Remember that recovery from grief and loss is a zigzag. You will have good days and bad days especially in the beginning.

v     Let go of your pain and anger.

v     Keep a journal

v     Remember that love looks forward.

v     Believe that what happens is what is meant to be, and there is another wonderful family out there just waiting for you to come and be a part of their lives too.

v     When you start to interview again, don’t try to compare one family to another family. There is no way to measure one family against another.

v     Don’t hold back on your love. As painful as the end can be, remember what you learned from these children and how much you gained from the time you spent with them.

v     “The roots of love sink down and deep and strike out far, and they are arteries that feed our lives, so we must see that they get the water and sun they need so they can nourish us. And when you put something good into the world, something good comes back to you (Merle Shain)

v     I would like to leave you with one final thought from the movie “Hope Floats”Beginnings are scary, endings are usually sad. The best part is in the middle and hope floats. You just have to wait for it to rise. 

 

****if you email me I can send you the link to earn $25 free (with $250 deposit) in ING. I will get $10 and you get $25 for signing up through the link and your $250 deposit. Just post your email or send it to me ( your email addy will not be sold). **** nannyadventures  at   gmail  dot com 

This weekend I was writing an article for my local nanny group, ADCAN about money tips.  I decided that I would start publishing money tips on Monday.   I hope this will be interesting and worthwhile for the nannies out there in nannydom.  

I will also be having a Wednesday Wisdom feature as well.  This can involve Nanny wisdom or other types of wisdom.  This week will feature an article by my good friend, Glenda Propst.

This weekend I was making some Stampin Up cards with my new stamps.  I had so much fun doing that.  I am hoping to post some of my cards online to share with everyone soon!  Stampin Up is a stress reliever for me.  I enjoy making the cards, bookmarks and gift card holders for people. 

****if you email me I can send you the link to earn $25 free (with $250 deposit) in ING. I will get $10 and you get $25 for signing up through the link and your $250 deposit. Just post your email or send it to me ( your email addy will not be sold). **** nannyadventures  at   gmail  dot com 

Toodles Tisha has survived so far through the weekend.  LaSarah Nicole and Megan Kelsey passed onto to the big wide open fishbowl in the sky yesterday apparently.  LaSarah and Megan had a nice proper burial in the porcelian bowl.  Kidlet #1 and #2 are sadden by the loss. Kidlet #3 is very happy that Toodles is still hanging tough in his BPA toxin filled plastic dish.

For Toodles’ reward of surviving the week, he will be getting a nice shiny fish bowl on Friday.  Please keep Toodles in your toughts.

My kidlets came home about 15 minutes ago saying “I have a fish”  I was like what.   Kidlet 1 & 3 won goldfish at the fair earlier tonight.  Kidlet #2 adopted a fish from another person who was already abandoning their “child”    They each were carrying a bag with blue colored water with a lively goldfish inside. 

I asked Kidlet #1 if they were getting a bowl for them. He said no they will be dead in 3 days.  I laughed. I remember all too well my Betta fish who lived for 3.5 years with love and neglect and traveling state lines in a ziploc bag many times.   These fish are going to live

So I went upstairs to help them find something to put the fish in.  They were going to use the measuring pyrex cups.  I was thinking great I won’t be measuring till they are dead!   Then kidlet #1 had got out a little square disposable dish.  Kidlet #3 followed while Kidlet #2 got out the huge clear plastic cake dome lid.  She could have easily adopted 4 more fish to go in there.  She ended up switching to the little square dish too.

I was just telling my friend online that I have new charges.  I said the kids give them “3 days” to live.  I told her they are in little plastic containers….she gives them 24 hours!   I was laughing hysterically!  Great I have contributed to the potential death of goldfish because of the possible BPA toxins in plasticware! PETA is going to come after us!

Stay tuned for photos of LaSara Nicole Maguire, Toodles Tisha Sully, Megan Kelsey Amber blah blah some more girls’ name Sully.    Please say your good thoughts for LaSara, Toodles and Megan to make it through the next 72 hours in their potentially BPA toxin laced containers.

 *** disclaimer: I am making humorous jokes of all the BPA toxins concerns out there, I am not saying they are unfounded or should be ignored.  I am just adding humor to the comments of my kidlets.***